Day 45:

You know how many people say that the most dangerous place is usually the safest place. The same can be applied the other way around.

A mother who you should feel the most safe with can also be the one who hurts you the very most. A dark cave that seems to hold the scariest monster can also be the safe hideaway from the real monster.

In other words, what is safe and what is dangerous can never be determined on a superficial level. It must be tried over and over again.

Lately, I have been spending a bit more time with my mother and man is it really testing my patience. My mother use to be super chill to be with even just last year…suddenly, she has these on and off moments. We started to have these on and off moments. It has really been so tough to handle those moments where the abrupt changes occurs. Some days, I can be prepared for them but on days where they come so unexpectedly, that is when I fear my mother.

No child should ever fear their mother..but there are definitely days where I feel like she is becoming someone I have never met. It’s when we stop trying to love each other…that I feel so worried…that perhaps we might really end up despising each other.

I do not want that to happen. So at the current moment, all I am trying to do is to love her as her. As my mother, as a daughter of God, as my sister in Christ. On bad days, that is as much as I could love her as. If I hold her accountable to her character traits during the off days…I don’t even know.

This strain is tiring me out. Once I have the idea where we are back to a good page, a new storm comes by that brings us back to the ripped pages. Sigh..I will end it at here.

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D-44

Posted these pictures yesterday but was too tired…and now it’s 1:45am of the next day. APRIL 2nd now…yea. what is a meal without mama nagging on how unhealthy ramen is……he he he…and had this at midnight too. image

I still managed to wake up to make breakfast.but those cheese in fish ball burn my tongue! ><‘ hopefully i didn’t kill any nerves or anything like that…anyways.

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Learn a good lesson of what God’s will is. As i am very short for time, I will just be simply writing two things that I have taken from today’s bible study.
1) God’s will is not a roadmap. It wouldn’t necessarily tell us to do what or to go where…
2) God’s will is more of how willing we are to let God transform us.
– What is our motivation that pushes us?
– What is our attitudes in our speech/actions?

ANYWAYS, beebeebum is over at my house.

tomorrow is dinner with the HO family. lol. let’s hope it goes well. Let me show love to them like how God has shown his love to me. AMEN.

CARRIEHOHOHO.

 

D-43

 

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manage to wake up. make my morning porridge. make my lunch: broccoli & fish tofu. HOPEFULLY, i can wake up just as well tomorrow morning+morning shower!

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Went to Kegs at Granville Island. Treat from the boss. Missing the calamari & delicious sliders! Will definitely go back for sliders! ❤ Top photo: baked shrimp with cheese. nom! Bottom photo: baked (?) chips..or was it fried? Ahi tuna & avocado!

But………by the time i got home which was 8pm..i got hungry again. After dropping my things down, went down to T&T and got this:

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carb-fest. oops. aiiii….at least my stomach is satisfied.

lastly, listening to this well done mashup song

such an ear-pleasing song~ walking on memory lane 🙂

Day 42

imageFirst night without mom. It’s always good to have some time off from people once in awhile. The distance help you cherish the closeness when it is available.

Just finish watching “Transcendence” starring Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, & Paul Bettany. I bet there is some awesome paper that analyzes this movie and I would love to read them. I would also like to write it but lack the writing skill to do so. So, I will make a simple list with words that can have a quick description of the thoughts I was having while watching this movie.

  1. technology; it can save and it can kill.
  2. how is humanity using technology? for the greater good? how are they using it now? are they abusing it? or are they still lacking in this? can we use it to “save” the world?
  3. what does it mean to “save” the world.
  4. are we trying to be our own god? are we trying to be other people’s god?
  5. how are we advancing? or are we simply moving backwards? are we striving or dying?
  6. morally right…or not?
  7. greater good? :T

To get rid of all this deeep thinking, I am watching running man 🙂

Day 41: Jealousy.

What do you do when Satan throws a curveball?  How do you react? The way you react is what differentiates you as a Christian from a non-Christian. The way you react is how others differentiate from an ordinary “good”person to a Christian…

Day 40: Breathe.

 

Lee Hi – Breathe

Lyrics:

Breathe in deeply
Until both sides of your chest
Get numb
Exhale more
Until they start to hurt a little
Until you feel like
There’s nothing left inside of you

It’s okay if your breath gets short
No one is blaming you
You can make mistakes from time to time
Everyone else does too
If I tell you “it’s alright”
I know that they’re only words
When someone sighs
How can I understand
Such deep breaths
Your sigh
Even though I won’t be able to understand its depth, that’s okay
I will embrace you

It’s okay if your breath gets short
No one is blaming you
You can make mistakes from time to time
Everyone else does too
If I tell you “it’s alright”
I know that they’re only words
When someone sighs
How can I understand
Such deep breath
Your sigh
Even though I won’t be able to understand its depth, that’s okay
I will embrace you

Even though your sigh may seem cheerless to others
I know that
Your day was so difficult that it was hard for you to let out even a small sigh
Don’t think about anything else
Breathe in deeply and exhale just as you are
When someone sighs
How can I understand
Such deep breaths
Your sigh
Even though I won’t be able to understand its depth, that’s okay
I will embrace you
Thank you so much for your hard work

Lyrics Credit: kpopviral.com

Long time no type. My life have been good so far but there are still days where I feel so tired. This new song from Lee Hi just really touched my heart.

I am loving the lyrics even though they are so so so simple…

I would love to high-light and bold everything…if i really had to pinpoint one section, it would be this:
Your day was so difficult that it was hard for you to let out even a small sigh
Don’t think about anything else
Breathe in deeply and exhale just as you are

When i am feeling down from work or feeling so distant from who I want to be, having someone to tell me to just keep breathing just as I am is very comforting…what am I even saying? I use to have a saying that helped me push through the day. that was: just breathe. When the day gets so hard that even breathing hurts…getting a reminder/encouragement to breathe..helps me. I can’t say for others..but for me, it helps. I need a psychologist to look through my blog lol. Or perhaps I need to simply turn to God. 🙂

Anyways, thank you Lee Hi for this song. Thank you High Ground for bringing Lee Hi out of the YG dungeon…who knew how long she would have take to release anything. KUMM SAA AH MEE DAAA!