Day 47: reassurance

reassurance = the action of removing someone’s doubts or fears – google

today was one of those days where I feel unsure even when I was correct and in the rights.

somebody was trying to use me to push someone off the cliff – figuratively-ish. However, I was like “NO!” – indirectly.

I felt uncomfortable being placed in that position but as I shared my story today with a good buddy, they gave me reassurance that I needed.
“you did what was right – dont betray your integrity and consciousness for something like that”

my praise-prayer got deleted / never got posted however, I would like to repeat it.
Thank God for giving me opportunity to experience the different type of people. For allowing me to mature and to seek for help when I needed. Thank you for being patient with me and showing me mercy; I am so undeserving of your love yet you still place different people in my life – to show me the reassurance that I needed and that I am not to forget the Christ-like lessons I have been taught. So I thank you and I pray that I can continue to live a life where I am wise in all I do, say, and think.

seems quite appropriate to place Michael Jackson’s classic hit song: Man in the Mirror

Changes start with one; changes starts with me. every emotion I feel in different situation depends on how I see it and how I respond. 

You know that saying..or you may not know: tears are like car wipers, after you cry for whatever had happened to you, you can finally see clearer.

carriehohoho OUT.


Day 41: Jealousy.

What do you do when Satan throws a curveball?  How do you react? The way you react is what differentiates you as a Christian from a non-Christian. The way you react is how others differentiate from an ordinary “good”person to a Christian…

Day 33: I surrender

surrendering means to give up.
it does not mean it is a temporary stop and then back to attack mode.
it truly means lifting the white flag up and allow the other side to take you in.

I need to build my own characteristics so I can stop falling back into the pits again over and over again.

Day 30: Forever alone.

2 thoughts I have been having for the past few days.
1) God is here. We can’t see God. We could only see the results of God’s work. Like the wind that pushes the leaves on the branches.
2) I don’t think I can ever find a bf. haha.
Recently, one of my friend just got a bf. I have been thinking, why am I not dating yet? I’m 22. Time for “child-bearing” as my pilot bestie tells me. hahaa.
Beside from the obvious over-weightness/appearance; I think I am someone who is very willing to give all her love to someone. BUT,,,that may be the problem.
I believe that once I find that “special” one, I would give my all to them…like a mother loving their child, they give their entire heart to their child. I feel like I am like that too…..
CONTROL. LOL. Well, we’ll see what is God’s plan for me. 🙂

man, this 100 entry is much harder than I thought.

Been listening to this song from Epik High. Tablo is someone who I really admire. He went through so many downs yet, he is what we human call, “successful”. No matter how citizens of korea criticized him, his family held onto him. This song, “Over” is definitely not their best songs but it is a good enough of a reflection fall-down-but-get-back-up song. Epik High, my first concert: May 31 2015. It was truly an epik night.

You got so much to prove
Hoping they approve
The only thing that’s true is all you ever do is do
You’re moving shoe to shoe but you’re not going
You stop growing, the moment that you stay at the top
The only way is to drop
Free-falling down the stairs that you climbed up
Lined up to freely mount the air
But you dare not air drop
Tied up like a hair knot
Hiking down without a chance on stepping on a fair rock
And so, you stand still in a stand-still
Hand still buildin’ castles on a sand hill
“Man chill” is what your friends say
But you’re not hearin’ what little men say
Anyway, keep on going, and taste the stars
Keep on growing, and raise the bar
You’re living life for the As down to the Zs
After the hill you got a mountain to seize

You are, an over-achiever
Do what it takes till it takes everything you are (x2)

Who can tell?
Your living is an organized hell.
The mansion of your mind, just an over-sized cell
The pressure, everything is done to a measure
In the sea of competition sunk like a treasure
Like a feather fallin’ slow spiraling to the floor
Strung up like a broken violin to your course
Opportunity is knocking at your door
But you never left a welcome mat(It doesn’t matter anymore)
Or anyhow, but you’re too late to turn back
Fate pushin’ you to the wall like a thumbtack
Ain’t no comebacks in the game of life
Roll the dice again
Roll it once, never twice

Keep on going, and taste the stars
Keep on growing, and raise the bar
You’re livin’ life for the As down to the Zs
After one drop you got a fountain to seize

You are, an over-achiever
Do what it takes till it takes everything you are (x3)
Wanna break from the world, but the world wanna break you
The weight makes your backbone curl up and ache you


Day 29: Idols

Who is your idol ? You profess that God is your Lord yet, you serve idols.
I’m troubled..but honesty is key to a relationship. Boyfriends/Girlfriends, God, Parents. Now you know the trouble, what will you do to make God the center of your life? What would you do to make your life glorifying God’s name?

Day 28: Motivation

I know as a Christian, I am suppose to find motivation through Christ. However, it is so much easier said than done.

I go on google to find “motivation through Christ”. It gives me some verses…but i just cannot connect..nor do I want to.

Maybe I’m just sleepy…and lacking some energy. Whatever it is, I hope I can get out of this slump soon..and fast. I have lots of school work to work on!

Day 27b: Desire for Him

A Constant fight I have with Satan.

Read on google how someone said, desire is dead without will…but I think that there would be no will if there is no desire, desire is greater than will. There can be no will if we do not desire. What are we willing to do if we do not desire it, if we do not crave for it? That is why I think we need to have more than a will to follow God. We need to have the desire to follow him; in addition to the desire, we need to create will to follow through with our desire. He should be our one desire.

I know I am using the word “desire” and “will” many times here. Just had a talk with my wonderful cousin who showed me the difference and I think it is important to remember why we are disciples of Christ. What was the spark of fire that lighted our heart to want to know Him more and to be saved through Him?