Day 48: Our Time

Our Time is a Taiwanese Coming of age movie. Really has me thinking of when I was young-ish. hehe. Everything was quite simple and the things I had needed to think was quite minimal in comparison to now. Small things would have been magnified and my entire day would be surrounded by these magnified small events. Such as if my lang zai gor gor took the same bus as me, whether he was with his friends or not, whether he was walking the quick route or not, whether we would “bump” into each other at the same entrance or not, whether we would pass each other in hall way, would eye contacts be made? Same with friendships – who am I to eat with today, did I just have an argument with my bff who seems to no longer want to be bff with me…all these things were the centre of my world at my youth age. My emotions were magnified; my events were magnified.

Now, the world has shrunk me. Everything outside of me seem so big and everything I do and feel all seem so minimal. As if they do not play much of a role in this big big world. Even though I know better – that each of us like mustard seed are capable of growth! Some days, this is easy to say but on days where I feel so weak and worthless, these negative thoughts would creep into every crooks and cranny.

Thoughts as I am aging:
Spiritual growth – can this type of growth be applied to my life? Am I living two separate lives where I am a Christian, and a citizen of this earth? Am I allowing the Holy Spirit into my life? Am I being in solitude or am I just being lonely? Am I being active in allowing the Holy Spirit take control and guide me to whatever paths planned out for me?

School / Career goals – 24! If 4-year school is in the plan, I would be 28! I am so old in comparison to all the students at school…however, am I being active in this goal? Am I being idle. IDLE : not working, not being used, lazy – without purpose or effect; pointless. me.

Money: I have enough. I am satisfied but it is wise to be careful with finance and not greed for more than required. It all depends on who I am comparing my life with. If I am comparing it to other low-income families, my family is quite wealthy and may seem like we have much. However, if I am comparing it to another family who belong in prestigious and exclusive class clubs, then I am just a scrub. It also relies on how important money & status to me. How about pride? It’s good to reflect on this every so often. I think money is important and is useful but it has the potential to do harm as well.

Song is by Hebe Tien for Our Times.

Day 47: reassurance

reassurance = the action of removing someone’s doubts or fears – google

today was one of those days where I feel unsure even when I was correct and in the rights.

somebody was trying to use me to push someone off the cliff – figuratively-ish. However, I was like “NO!” – indirectly.

I felt uncomfortable being placed in that position but as I shared my story today with a good buddy, they gave me reassurance that I needed.
“you did what was right – dont betray your integrity and consciousness for something like that”

my praise-prayer got deleted / never got posted however, I would like to repeat it.
Thank God for giving me opportunity to experience the different type of people. For allowing me to mature and to seek for help when I needed. Thank you for being patient with me and showing me mercy; I am so undeserving of your love yet you still place different people in my life – to show me the reassurance that I needed and that I am not to forget the Christ-like lessons I have been taught. So I thank you and I pray that I can continue to live a life where I am wise in all I do, say, and think.

seems quite appropriate to place Michael Jackson’s classic hit song: Man in the Mirror

Changes start with one; changes starts with me. every emotion I feel in different situation depends on how I see it and how I respond. 

You know that saying..or you may not know: tears are like car wipers, after you cry for whatever had happened to you, you can finally see clearer.

carriehohoho OUT.

Day 46: to be continued…

“to be continued…” – reminds me of watching Pokemon and at the end of every episode at the corner of the last scene where Ash and friends walk towards a sunset, there is this quote.

Isn’t it interesting how often time, we can pick up from where we left off and just continue? This can be applied to friendship as well. BUT, may not apply to all friendships.

Good to be realistic at times. This december was quite kind to me. 2017, please continue to show your grace and kindness. 🙂

Would I ever complete 100 days worth of post? Let’s hope so! 🙂

carriehohoho OUT.

Day 45:

You know how many people say that the most dangerous place is usually the safest place. The same can be applied the other way around.

A mother who you should feel the most safe with can also be the one who hurts you the very most. A dark cave that seems to hold the scariest monster can also be the safe hideaway from the real monster.

In other words, what is safe and what is dangerous can never be determined on a superficial level. It must be tried over and over again.

Lately, I have been spending a bit more time with my mother and man is it really testing my patience. My mother use to be super chill to be with even just last year…suddenly, she has these on and off moments. We started to have these on and off moments. It has really been so tough to handle those moments where the abrupt changes occurs. Some days, I can be prepared for them but on days where they come so unexpectedly, that is when I fear my mother.

No child should ever fear their mother..but there are definitely days where I feel like she is becoming someone I have never met. It’s when we stop trying to love each other…that I feel so worried…that perhaps we might really end up despising each other.

I do not want that to happen. So at the current moment, all I am trying to do is to love her as her. As my mother, as a daughter of God, as my sister in Christ. On bad days, that is as much as I could love her as. If I hold her accountable to her character traits during the off days…I don’t even know.

This strain is tiring me out. Once I have the idea where we are back to a good page, a new storm comes by that brings us back to the ripped pages. Sigh..I will end it at here.

D-44

Posted these pictures yesterday but was too tired…and now it’s 1:45am of the next day. APRIL 2nd now…yea. what is a meal without mama nagging on how unhealthy ramen is……he he he…and had this at midnight too. image

I still managed to wake up to make breakfast.but those cheese in fish ball burn my tongue! ><‘ hopefully i didn’t kill any nerves or anything like that…anyways.

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Learn a good lesson of what God’s will is. As i am very short for time, I will just be simply writing two things that I have taken from today’s bible study.
1) God’s will is not a roadmap. It wouldn’t necessarily tell us to do what or to go where…
2) God’s will is more of how willing we are to let God transform us.
– What is our motivation that pushes us?
– What is our attitudes in our speech/actions?

ANYWAYS, beebeebum is over at my house.

tomorrow is dinner with the HO family. lol. let’s hope it goes well. Let me show love to them like how God has shown his love to me. AMEN.

CARRIEHOHOHO.

 

D-43

 

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manage to wake up. make my morning porridge. make my lunch: broccoli & fish tofu. HOPEFULLY, i can wake up just as well tomorrow morning+morning shower!

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Went to Kegs at Granville Island. Treat from the boss. Missing the calamari & delicious sliders! Will definitely go back for sliders! ❤ Top photo: baked shrimp with cheese. nom! Bottom photo: baked (?) chips..or was it fried? Ahi tuna & avocado!

But………by the time i got home which was 8pm..i got hungry again. After dropping my things down, went down to T&T and got this:

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carb-fest. oops. aiiii….at least my stomach is satisfied.

lastly, listening to this well done mashup song

such an ear-pleasing song~ walking on memory lane 🙂

Day 42

imageFirst night without mom. It’s always good to have some time off from people once in awhile. The distance help you cherish the closeness when it is available.

Just finish watching “Transcendence” starring Johnny Depp, Rebecca Hall, & Paul Bettany. I bet there is some awesome paper that analyzes this movie and I would love to read them. I would also like to write it but lack the writing skill to do so. So, I will make a simple list with words that can have a quick description of the thoughts I was having while watching this movie.

  1. technology; it can save and it can kill.
  2. how is humanity using technology? for the greater good? how are they using it now? are they abusing it? or are they still lacking in this? can we use it to “save” the world?
  3. what does it mean to “save” the world.
  4. are we trying to be our own god? are we trying to be other people’s god?
  5. how are we advancing? or are we simply moving backwards? are we striving or dying?
  6. morally right…or not?
  7. greater good? :T

To get rid of all this deeep thinking, I am watching running man 🙂