getting close. but what am i getting out of all of this?
how much have i grown since day 1?
my faith is still small even with the “knowledge” i have obtained that feels like I haven’t obtained much actually if that makes any actual sense.
My addiction to things i should not be has remained.
My trust towards my loved ones are wavered more than ever which enforces the idea of whether I can be loved and loved at the same time when i had this entire philosophy of how we were created to love and to be loved…… how can i preach and do as this saying goes?
This summer, i had the opportunity to work with seniors who had lived amazing lives, who endured horrifying situations, who loved and hated many…who have been loved and been hated by many.
So i hope when I see them again this Saturday for thanksgiving, I can find some healing that I need right now. Yes. I need to find it in God. But I can’t. God works in people, through people, with people. I need it. Is this what people call a low? I mean, every tough situation is a lowest of your low isn’t it because if it wasn’t lower than your previous low, then can it still be considered a low because in reality, anything less than your previous low is can be factually considered as a high.
I watched many youtube video last night of MC Jin passing onto his testimony, his life story, his goals. He shared his highs which ended up actually being his low. At the low, he was drifting in the mass sea, with the waters going up to his eyes, above his eyes. & as logs drift by, he grasp onto them, as tightly as he can. His no regrets through all of these hardships. His love for his family, his love for his Creator. I hope to receive that too.
Yesterday, I met a Thai girl who was on her way to a wedding in mexico, she’s currently going to school here. Her name is Eve, and we are the same age. Let’s hope I dont get in trouble for passing my contact,,,cuz other people have done it too…..bleh. I dont know, shall we keep in touch? Perhaps I can try it out. Why was she placed there…
apparently i stopped typing after this…